Tacos and Grief

Lets Taco About it

The righteous cry out, the LORD hears

and he rescues them from all their afflictions.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted,

saves those whose spirit is crushed. Psalm 34: 18-19

The first weekend of May, I gathered with friends to celebrate the Cinco de Mayo holiday (May 5th). Both Friday and Saturday nights were full of tacos, empanadas, chips and salsa. And of course, plenty of margaritas.

My John loved tacos. He could eat pretty much anything in a taco shell. It didn’t matter if it was a hard or soft shell. I often joked with him that he was of a Spanish decent rather than Italian. That is how strong his love of tacos was. Whenever I eat tacos, I often think of John a little more.

This weekend brought back to two strong memories with John. The first was of our honeymoon in Mexico. On our honeymoon we indulged in plenty of margaritas, flamingo dancing, and fajitas. The second was from a trip we took in 2019 to Florida. While visiting with an aunt and uncle we all dined together at a restaurant called Rocco’s Tacos. We enjoyed tacos, fajitas, salads and margaritas. Not sure if the smile on John’s face is from the margaritas or the fact of sitting next to me. This is one of my favorite pictures. See below

Although the festivities this weekend were fun and relaxing with laughter among friends, some thoughts came to mind how love of tacos can relate to our grief journey.

The shell- hard or soft

The taco shell generally comes in two forms. Either a hard shell or soft shell.

My preference generally is the hard shell. I enjoy the soft meats of chicken or beef next to the texture of the hard shell. Due to the crunch texture the hard shell provides it can be frustrating to eat the hard shell without it falling/breaking apart.

The soft shell though has its share of frustration. While it does not break apart the same way the hard shell does, if the soft shell is not held right or is over stuffed, it can easily spill out from the ends causing more of a salad than a taco.

This is how my grief is. My heart and body can feel so heavy like the hard shell. Like the hard taco, my life can feel easily broken apart after my John died.

I can also feel more guarded. I can feel like if I open up and share my emotions I may fall apart just like the hard taco. But like the image at the beginning of this post- tacos fall apart and we love them just the same.

And I can also feel like the soft shell at times. I can be fragile and gentle - especially in the early days of grief. I can not hold everything together or the way I did before John died. Sometimes adding one more thing and I can feel like the ends of the soft shell. My life feels like it comes out from all ends.

Ingredients/Garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, salsa and sour cream)

Tacos come with standard ingredients made up of shredded lettuce, tomatoes, shredded cheese and sour cream. For some people, not all of these ingredients are in their taco whether for allergy or personal choice.

Grief is like this. The standard ingredients in grief are like the 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Like the garnishes mixed together, in my grief I have all these emotions and feelings that I may not know what to do with. These stages are guides to help us understand our feelings. Tools to help us move forward on our journey in grief. These stages of grief are experienced at different times and in different order. Often times we repeat stages.

Additional add ins (refried beans, jalapeno, guacamole, pico de Gallo, etc.)

In addition to the standard add ins, there are ingredients that many persons like to add to their taco. This allows extra flavor and taste to the taco.

In my grief walk, I have add- ins of my own. I have family, friends, pastor/priest, therapist, or any other support groups. These people support me and cheer me on in my grief walk. They add that extra flavor to my life and reminding me who I am and show me that life can still be good. If you feel like you do not have support please seek assistance for mental health. It is ok and you are enough.

I also have the add in of recalling the loss of a prior loved ones death. It seems to surface when a newer loved one passes away. Just like the additional ingredients, I try to take comfort that these persons of the past may be adding something to my current path of grief.

Live Más

Taco Bell, the popular fast food chain for tacos, came up with a slogan a few years ago. It was simply Live Más which translates to Live More.

Whether your grief journey has just begun or you have been on the path awhile we can all remind ourselves to Live Más. My faith tells me that my John has eternal life and lives more with God. And for me, John would want me to keep living life. Live it abundantly. Live every day to the fullest because we do not know when our time is done on earth. And if I live más, I too will enjoy eternal life with my God, John and all my relatives in heaven.

I encourage you to have a taco today. Your choice. Take a bite and see what memories come to your mind.

Questions for further thought:

1. Is there a favorite food your loved one had? Do you eat it? Think of them?

2. What goes into your taco? Adding anything “extra”?

3. Hard or soft shell? Both?

4. How can you live more?

   Song- When We Fall Apart- Ryan Stevenson